Time to Speak

http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3113/2656383155_29ffb77685_z.jpg

Today I went to Kettering to see a friend. We drove around Dayton looking for some Thai food. I observed the downtown Dayton businesses in a way I have not seen them before.

When we got out of the car to see if the restaurant was open, I noticed that the neighborhood was littered with girlie bars, strip clubs, and adult shops. I have seen those before and have felt disgusted, but today I felt more than disgust, I felt sorrow.

I felt sorrow because I saw them as possible businesses of sex traffickers. Women's faces came to my mind and I saw people who are scared, abused, and do not realize what love is. I saw men who are not controlled, who think they're just having fun. I saw other men who understand what they're doing and want more. More money, more power, more success. Today my heart was saddened in a way it has not been at the sight of downtown "night life". Praise the Lord, today He has grown my heart.

What to do, what to do?

Just take a step...and more will follow.

It is time to act - with words.

How can that be enough? How can that matter?

Will any of this make a difference?
Is that mine to decide?

Hmmm....
Nope. I guess it's not mine to decide.
It is my opportunity to cause an effect in whatever way the Lord would choose to use and direct it.

May He be glorified and may people know His love.

Cambodia -- My Hypocrisy?

Written while I was there. Published now.

I sit here, on a couch, in a foreigners’ hotel, next to the Mekong River in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. I’m supposed to be writing the plan for my Bible lesson for the kids in a “suburban village” we are going to this evening after church. My stomach is feeling a bit uncomfortable. I stop to write this “reflective essay” because I find that I am faced with a choice. I could stand up, go to the fridge, and eat. I could relieve my small hunger pains, return to my computer screen, notebook, and Bible, and continue writing words of encouragement for the children in this factory village. But, isn’t that hypocritical?

When their stomachs feel uncomfortable, whether it is because of hunger pangs or those other, sickly reasons, are they able to immediately rise up, go across the room (which they don’t have) and pull out some leftover food that is just waiting to be consumed? If hunger is not the source of their pain, can they easily get up and go to the toilet? Go get medicine from the cabinet? Have their parents drive them to the doctor?

No.

Isn’t my ease of being full and overfilled a type of hypocrisy?

This stance may not be true for the world, but the conviction is true for me. For at least three years I have been thinking about Matthew 5 and the hungry who will be filled in heaven, the mournful who will find their joy in heaven, and those of us who have lived happy, full-stomached lives who will still – get as much reward for our life trials and choices as those who have experienced real starvation and life destruction?! 

Based on Matthew 5, I think I won’t. 

(WARNING! CAUTION!! Does this come from a mind that fights to go back to earning the approval of God? –Yes. And yet, I will continue to build a case for my point.)

It is true, I will know greater joy and fullness in the eternal presence of Jesus, but will I know it to the same depth of sweetness as those who have hungered and mourned to great depths of starvation and sorrow? I actually think not. How can I? I have chosen and been filled with the immediate pleasures of this world rather than denying myself and waiting for eternity. (Biblical? The other side: I am welcomed to enjoy the blessings of the Lord because He has chosen to bestow them upon me, thus far, while I live on this earth.) 

Perhaps this is the true point of God’s conviction upon my soul: have I been sharing His blessings appropriately?

I will say it clearly so there is no confusion: There is nothing inherently wrong with earthly wealth, but what does the accumulation of wealth reveal about my heart?

Where my treasure is there my heart will be also.

And so, I sit here with my conundrum. I am, I think, legitimately hungry. It would be no sin for me to go to the fridge to get something to eat. The food is there and already purchased. We will be eating it anyways. But, where does this pattern of the “necessity of comfort” end? If the Lord has convicted my soul, then I must choose to take steps to change. When do I start to take those steps? How do I keep those steps in a consistent manner?

Suddenly, I am aware of the time.

I need to go finish writing my Bible lesson about Matthew 8 – the leper and Jesus.

With such ease my conundrum of hypocrisy continues. I will put off eating my breakfast for a few more minutes, a short-term way to placate the wrestlings of my heart.

Cambodian Reflections - Part 1

Written three days ago with the intention of being posted sooner.

We made it to the beach. The crashing waves are exciting each of our souls, and we are thankful.

We came in around 4 on Saturday afternoon, checked in to our rooms, and headed to the hotel's beachfront restaurant. (We're not in Phnom Penh anymore.) After eating our food, self-restraint was no longer a virtue. We ran up and down the shore, frolicking in the delights of God's creation until, at last, we jumped in to experience the power of the crashing waves against our bodies. A delight and a half.

As we played, our thoughts continued to drift back to the reality of the power of God. God sat as King at the Flood and He sits enthroned forever. The disciples were shocked when they witnessed how even the wind and the waves obeyed His voice. To Him belong glory, honor, majesty, and power. The twenty-four elders and the four eye-covered creatures recognize this with continuous exaltation. His power is great and greatly to be praised.

The day before we left for the beach we went to an NGO-established House of Prayer. Hallelujah and amen! It's a cool place. On the first floor they have a restaurant that makes and sells scrumptious delights. When you have finished sampling their wares, you walk up the stairs to the section designed to be the House of Prayer. On the second floor they have set up different stations to help you pray and worship through creative outlets. There's a photograph station, writing station, painting station, music station, couches, pillows, books on prayer and spiritual warfare, and huge windows to look out and see the people on the street.  It is great.

Halfway through our time there a man came to guide the music and intercession for those involved in sex trafficking. Another group joined at this time. We sang and prayed together, united in the hope of what can be accomplished through the power of the Gospel. After all, what other authority can break through the chains imprisoning the hearts of the men, women, and children in Cambodia? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

In light of this, how much more diligently and purposefully should His children be interceding for those who have not yet risen from the dead? How much more should those who are apart of His Body pray for those already inside His Body as well as for those who are ceaselessly working for the souls and people in Cambodia?

We love to play in the crashing waves. I think it's so thrilling because I have the opportunity to wrestle with power. I want to see if I can stand up against the energy of the wave. Can I harness its power and ride it to the shore? Will it throw me to the ground? Will it lift me to the heights? There’s joy in the danger.

If the power we see in the waves is such a small glimpse of the actual power the God of the universe possesses, how much more should we then choose to go before His throne and intercede for others? All our efforts without His power are as nothing, but through and in His power they can accomplish everything.

As CS Lewis said in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, "He is not a tame lion.” Our God does not have power or majesty that can be tamed. There is risk in that reality. Will we choose to sit outside and question, or will we jump in by faith and trust that whatever He may choose it is for our good and His glory? We have the opportunity to sit outside His power and watch how He works, because He will work without us. But, if we step in to participate with Him in and through prayer we have the delight of experiencing the working power of our Creator for the benefit of ourselves, our local fellowships, the Cambodian church, as well as the Global Body.

May we choose to jump in and allow the power of the waves of His work rush over us -- and those for whom we pray.

Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation. When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish.

Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, who made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, who keeps faith forever; who executes justice for the oppressed, who gives food to the hungry.

The Lord sets the prisoners free; the Lord opens the eyes of the blind. The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down; the Lord loves the righteous.

The Lord watches over the sojourners; He upholds the widow and the fatherless, but the way of the wicked He brings to ruin.

The Lord will reign forever, your God, O Zion, to all generations.

Praise the Lord!

Psalm 146:3-10

Disgusted in the Deception

But groups that would normally defend late term abortions said that is not what they consider the Gosnell case to be about. These groups consider the trial to be about illegal abortions performed under dangerous circumstances.

"The fact that he wasn't providing care later and wasn't ensuring fetal demise and not operating under any established standards of care and outside of the law is the problem in this case, and not indicative of the high quality care available across the country," Saporta said.

"This is why we have to keep abortion practices available as medical procedures, so that they are safe and legal between a woman and her doctor," Hague said. 

Article Here

Yeah. After all, this is why Holland wanted to legalize prostitution. It's going to be done, so let's keep it "safe and legal" between the brothel and its men. We see the good that has done, right?

Sure.

We find that women are valued in the red-light district, true?
Lives are held in high regard and women are compensated fairly.
They feel strong and empowered, right?

Sure.

Just ask their government officials about the rise in crime.
Ask the ladies how they got to that brothel and how they feel about their current type of employment.

What a ridiculous twist of events.

What a sweeping away of the horrors committed by a "doctor." 

I also enjoy how we use the word "care" now.
You know I care because I will kill you.
Old, young, just as long as you are feeble.

Care for whom?

The lady will be left with shattered pieces of life and emotions.
The baby will be dead.
And the doctor will be waiting for the unrealized consequences.

What is life?
We don't know, but we know we have power to control it.

...As long as we twist and deceive the masses, of course...

(And shall I do this?! I shall. The link I was questioning, I link to: Pro-Life Home)

Love Poured Out

It seems as if I could be plagiarizing, but I am not sure what song. Oops.

Oh great God, matchless King;

Ruler over everything.

We give our hearts and our lives;

Let us dwell in Your sacrifice.

Living God, consume our souls,

Let us not our love withhold.

Focus our gaze; enlarge our hearts;

Faithful One, You will not depart.

You have come and set us free

And we’ll always dwell with thee.

You took our sin and our shame;

You are coming back again.

Hallelujah, hallelujah sin is gone and Christ’s alive!

Hallelujah, hallelujah to the One who reigns on high.

Gone Away

Grown Up and Gone

Away

I do not know how to

love.

The ones I loved have gone.

And now love is no more.

How rapidly time has

flown.

If only I had known this day would come.

It came far quicker than I could judge.

And now love is no more

The ones I loved have

          gone.

Psalm 78 (Reflections)

I have the chains of death

wrapped around my soul,

I cannot comprehend their strength,

And they will not let me go.

My cravings long to ignore my evil

And forget that it is there.

It eats away at my soul

And takes me from His care.

Wearied by this attack

that preys on every part,

I feel that my strength is sapped

Before the battle has its start.

I step onto the battlefield,

and smell the stench of rot.

Temptation has done its job

Here is sin that’s hard to stop.

The apathy which has grown

toward this battle’s fight,

Came because I tested God,

And now, I’ve drifted from His light.

I have chosen not to trust,

I have chosen to rebel.

Will He show me His love,

Or would He kick me off to Hell?

Oh God! Give me the strength to stand

As you promised You would do.

I have no idea about Your plan,

But I know that You are True.

My heart is foolish and deceitful,

I cannot trust its ways.

I will choose to look to You

And will delight while I obey.

With the crashing of my Sword,

I will be reminded of the gift,

No longer am I a slave to sin,

I will choose not to listen to it.

And thus, this battle has begun,

Through His power alone.

I will lean upon His Word

And He will bring me Home.

Unable to do this by myself,

I need You every hour.

Fill me with Your awe,

You are my strong tower.

Chun Jie Kuai Le! (Part 3 of 3)

Most people are not aware of the hugely spiritual side that this holiday indicates. It’s tradition to set off the firecrackers and they do it. "Historically", it is supposed to be used to chase off the evil spirits for the year. The red banners hung on the sides and top of the doors are meant to welcome in good luck (fu) and money. Health, wealth, and joy are the things that they hope their luck in the New Year will bring. Before the big Chun Jie celebration many Chinese people (my friend’s mom included,) go to Buddhist temples to give money and kowtow. In the day, they buy paper money, clothes, and cars, to burn to their dead ancestors at night. They don’t know if it really works, or what they are doing, but they are afraid that if they do not continue to do these things, bad luck will come to their homes and families.

One friend who is in her forties is a believer and goes to visit her elderly mother in the south of China during Chun Jie. Her mother is a believer, but is often tormented by “satanic” dreams of her dead ancestors during this time of year. My friend has tried to tell her mother that she does not have to be afraid of these evil spirits, but her mother cannot comprehend these words. Each year she continues to make her altar to her ancestors and present them with food and money. (These traditions also continue in Korea where they also celebrate Spring Festival.) One year, after much prayer, my friend’s mother was spared from these dreams and did not prepare the altar. This year my friend said that her mother was still afraid.

In Taiwan, Cambodia, and other Asian countries the awareness of the spiritual side is even bolder. “God-parades” happen in Taiwan and in Cambodia sacrifices of pigs are made. Pray for these countries and their spiritual bondage.

Even my friend with whom I celebrated Chun Jie this year expressed that she was afraid of the spirits after I passed in front of a “god” and took a picture. I thought she was joking when she asked me, “Aren’t you afraid of the evil spirits?” After I responded in a joking manner, I realized that she was serious and genuinely concerned. I tried to change my tone. I must be more sensitive to her needs and I also need to think about the lack of awareness in my own daily living. I don’t need to be afraid of these spirits, but do I acknowledge the reality of the spiritual battles? I should.

Another big firework days of Chun Jie was on the 5^th day of Chun Jie (Chu wu). On the 15^th day of Chun Jie (Chu shi wu). The 15^th day is the lantern festival. I love that festival too because we get to eat “glutinous rice balls” that have various jellied foods inside of them. (The most popular is “red bean.” Not all my foreign friends enjoy that flavor. If you eat too many, I also agree that it’s not so tasty.)

I am not quite sure, but on the Lantern Festival Day many people also get lanterns, write good wishes for the New Year on them, set the inside on fire, and let them float away in the sky. I got to do that with some friends in Bao Ding (another province) BEFORE the Lantern Festival last year. AH! So magical. I love it. (I hear Thailand does it too.)

So much more I could write about Chun Jie! So many people going to so many different places because they all have the week (or longer) off and they all need to be with their families. Some times the trains (particularly the few days leading up to Chun Jie,) are so packed that people have to get in through the train windows and/or they don’t have space to sit for the whole of their hours long journey.

When we went to Beijing for a day this break – so many people were at the high tourist spots. So many people are on the subways, so many people are on the buses. You just have to SQUISH on. When I went with my Chinese friends to “Ancient Culture Street” in Tianjin, sooo many people (“hen duo ren”) were there to experience traditional culture, celebrate the New Year, and buy things. (I love it.)

“Ren shan; ren hai.”

(A Chinese saying, translated, “People mountain; people sea.” Meaning, “There’s so many people it’s like a mountain and a sea made of just people.”) 

Always in China? Of course. 

Especially during Chun Jie? Indeed!!!

Chun Jie Kuai Le! (Part 2 of 3)

The greatest gift to me from this Chun Jie was the fulfillment of my Spring Festival DREAM! Thanks to my friend's father I got to follow the custom of the Chinese people and light a firework with a CIGARETTE!!! It was one of the greatest thrills I have experienced while being in China. (Seeing Chairman Mao’s dead “body” will be my next.)

After the firecrackers are lit, (which doesn’t last long for some. You do it, watch it, and return inside. As a Chinese person, you don’t take much time to admire.) When you finish with the fireworks, you return inside to eat your lucky jiao zi (dumplings). In some provinces, people hide a coin inside one dumpling. Whoever gets that dumpling has luck for the New Year! (This is not a tradition in Tianjin. I tried to act out how we could choke if we did that. haha I meant to make them laugh. I think I did.)

After eating your fill of delicious jiao zi dipped in the special, yummy garlic vinegar, you try to stay up all night. This is my second year and I can’t do it. I am not Chinese. (Chinese people tend to stay up pretty late anyways.) Around 6 o’clock in the morning people wake up and set off more firecrackers. This wakes me up, but not my Chinese friend. This year, however, I was able to turn the “booms” into a sort of melodic beat and fall back asleep to the music of the Chun Jie firecrackers.

In the morning, special jiao zi and other foods are supposed to be eaten in order to continue preparing for wealth and prosperity in the New Year. The dumplings are so important for the New Year because they are made in the shape of the old money. If you eat the jiao zi, you are eating money!

And so, we have now entered the year of the Snake. Last year was the year of the Dragon. The dragon was a WAY bigger deal. My friends tell me that not many people like the snake and they have to try to make it cuter than how people perceive it. They have an ancient story about a 1000-year-old snake who became a beautiful woman and a prince (?) who fall in love. Tragically, they are prevented from marrying because a priest (?) who thinks that love cannot exist between these two, prevents them from coming together. (If I understood my friend’s telling of it appropriately.) They try to promote this story during the year of the snake. 

PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!

Praise the Lord for His continued blessings of growth and sanctification that He continues to shower down upon me. Hallelujah! Praise Him who loves me (can I say that?) as His daughter. I am almost moved to tears. How can that statement be true? (Romans 8:15-17)

Praise God through whom all blessings flow.

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!

PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

Psalm 148

Praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord from the heavens;

praise Him in the heights!

Praise Him, all His angels;

praise Him, all His hosts!

Praise Him, sun and moon,

praise Him, all you shining stars!

Praise Him, you highest heavens,

and you waters above the heavens!

Let them praise the name of the Lord!

For He command and they were created.

And He established them forever and ever;

He gave a decree, and it shall not pass away.

Praise the Lord from the earth,

you great sea creatures and all deeps,

fire and hail, snow and mist,

stormy wind fulfilling His word!

Mountains and all hills,

fruit trees and all cedars!

Beasts and al livestock,

creeping things and flying birds!

Kings of the earth and all people,

princes and all rulers of the earth!

Young men and maidens together,

old men and children!

Let them praise the name of the Lord,

for His name alone is exalted;

His majesty is above earth and heaven.

Moms on the Foreign Field

It has taken me awhile, but I love the expats. I have formed bonds and friendships with the foreigners here that I will cherish for the rest of my days.

The moms in our community are AMAZING! Most of them have 3 or more children, in China, in a foreign language, preparing their homes and food, all with foreign supplies. Their abilities, endurance, and fearlessness astounds me. I admire them greatly.

The mom in my small group particularly amazes me with what she can cook. She came to China in the late 80s/early 90s. She smuggled Bibles in to China from Taiwan (southern China). She came to China when she had to make her own cheese and milk. She had to learn the language on her own, use vouchers to purchase food on her own, and make do through her own ingenuity.

Now, she has four children and China has become more open to the West.

This Chun Jie two-week break she has been inviting families and singles over regularly. My friend and I went over a couple days ago. This woman made an AMAZING homemade/pizzeria-like crust with a white, garlic sauce. After this delicious lunch, she made homemade chocolate sauce to go on top of our homemade vanilla ice cream (rolled in a ice cream maker ball by the family – this gift was sent to them by her parents in Maine). Most of her “from scratch” recipes come from the Wycliffe cookbook. THOSE wives/mothers must be PARTICULARLY amazing!! (We discussed this that day.)

Every Tuesday the singles in our small group go to their home for dinner. We joke that hers is the best meal we get in the week. We are never disappointed. The rule of her house is to not leave hungry. We do not.

Another family came here (for the second time) with four children all 5-years-old and under. How do you do it? How do you suck it up, bundle up the surplus of children (as compared to the Chinese requirement of 1 and the Korean usual of 2,) and try to pay bills and buy groceries with a limited amount of language in a limited amount of space? How do you balance the allowance of touching and attention that your cute, foreign babies will bring with the decision to say, “Gou la! Zai jian!” (“Enough! See you later!”)

You do it because you must and this is your job. You do it even though the world stares at you because of your many blonde-haired, blue-eyed babies. You do it because that is what the Lord has given you to do and you decided to respond to His call.

May the Lord strengthen the hands of these ladies! May they trust in the Lord to meet all their needs of companionship, with-it-ness, and patience. May they look at the unknown of each day and bring it to the Lord. May they be content with the job the LORD has given to them, at home, and not be bitter or jealous of their husbands who seem like they are being more productive for the kingdom in this new country. (This new country where they don’t know HOW they are ministering in it…when they are doing the stuff at their foreign home that they could have done much better in their home-country home.)

Indeed, they will learn how to survive and then, by God’s grace and their sanctification, they will learn how to thrive.

Pray for these ladies! May they find their contentment in Him and joy in the jobs they have at home that often limit them from being able to reach out to neighbors (whose language they often cannot speak – yet). The beginning is always frustrating, but with time and patience and study, it will come and their ministries will be opened wide. (Hallelujah!)

Chun Jie Kuai Le! (Part 1 of 3)

GUO NIAN HAO! (Happy New Year!!)

Most foreigners do not like this time of year. Firecrackers go off at all hours of the day and many hours of the night. ::PONG! PONG! PONG!!::

I, however, LOVE it!! Chun Jie (Chinese New Year) may now be my favorite holiday. It’s like our American Thanksgiving, Christmas, and 4^th of July all wrapped in to one holiday. Fantastic! It’s such a wonderful time for family, friends, and fireworks. I love it.

It may have come from my Uncle Ryan’s influence, but I LOVE the fireworks. It’s so cool to be on the 15^th floor and watch the fireworks that are going off right at the door of your apartment building. The beautiful ones are right at your eye-level. How cool is that?

I love sitting in my apartment, (which is on the 7^th floor,) and running from the north side to see the fireworks I hear going off, and then run to the south side as I see and hear fireworks (the beautiful kind) going off over there. I also love the huge BAM! fireworks, though they can be jarring to the nerves and distracting to one’s sleep. But, where else can you experience such a show for so little money? (aka -- It's FREE.)

The whole country of China is setting off fireworks at the same time and I get to be an observer. Wahoo! And how exciting that it doesn’t just happen on one day, but extends for a couple weeks after the first day of the Spring Festival?!

(Most of my foreign colleagues, on the other hand, flee to other countries during our two-week Chun Jie break from school. They go to the Philippines, South Korea, Singapore, Thailand, any where else where the people are not so enthusiastic about scaring away the evil spirits with their red fire.)

The date for Chun Jie is determined by the Lunar calendar. This year it was the 10^th of February, but the celebrating begins on the 9^th of February. The whole extended family is supposed to gather together at the patriarch’s house to celebrate. Expensive foods (meats, fruits, wines,) are purchased and prepared. Expensive gifts (milk, oil, eggs, fruit, specialty foods, bai jiu) are purchased and given when you visit relatives’ and friends’ homes. (This is to show honor and respect. The more expensive the gift, the better. It signifies a greater appreciation and giving of honor and thoughtfulness. Last year I “appropriately” brought and gave a HUGE basket of tangerines. This year I realized that wasn’t expensive enough. Too typical, especially, I think, for me, a Westerner, to bring. This year I brought tangerines, expensive wine, and some pre-cooked salmon from Seattle. I did much better this year. I hope!!)

In the day of preparation, the mothers (and some fathers) prepare the food. The most important food to be prepared is the jiao zi (dumplings) that will be eaten at midnight. Other Chinese dishes are made for earlier consumption. Fruit and nuts are ALWAYS out. This is to show prosperity and to welcome in the wealth of the New Year. (I think. I hypothesize.) I made sure to limit my eating before going to my friend’s home. Last year they kept telling me, “Chi! Chi!” (“Eat! Eat!”) I wanted to be sure to have PLENTY of room for food this year.

Around 8pm a special Chinese New Year Gala TV show begins. (This has been going on for around 27 years.) It seems that it promotes national unity and a preservation of tradition and culture. Various singers, dancers, magicians, comedians, etc. perform on the show for about four hours. I find it interesting to watch. Most young people and some middle-aged people think it’s boring, but they turn it on anyways. They must. It’s tradition and Chinese. This year, Celine Dion performed. (Maybe because this last year Titanic came to the screen in 3D and the young people LOVE it.) Celine did well, and was well received. I saw another foreign performer being interviewed before the show. The interviewer asked (in English), “Are you nervous? You know, this is the MOST WATCHED TV show in China (and the world)!” Indeed. The foreigner, apparently, felt pretty secure. I saw his performance. He did well.

Throughout the evening you are supposed to send messages to your friends (now with technology you may send these messages through email or text message or “QQ” – equivalent to Facebook,) wishing them “all the best luck for the New Year.” If they are a close friend, you give them a more personal message and express your appreciation for their friendship. I guess, in the past, you sent them cards.

A few minutes before midnight you begin hearing the sound of the firecrackers exploding. The people begin to emerge from their apartments to scare away the evil spirits at midnight. This is a CRAZILY WONDERFUL time of CHAOS! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!! The apartments are so close together and there are so many people living in the apartments, people and firecrackers are everywhere. You have to really watch yourself so that you don’t get hit by flying firecracker shrapnel. The neighbors do not look out for you or warn you that they are lighting a firecracker at your feet. (Last year, I was about to be pelted because I was in a state of awe. My friend’s dad grabbed my arm and pulled me into the doorway of the apartment for safekeeping. Don’t injure the foreigner!)

The noise is (literally) explosive. You do not need much of an imagination to pretend like you are on a battlefield. Some fireworks are the HUGE ones that BOOM and seem to shake the ground under your feet. Car alarms go off everywhere.  (Why do people even keep them on during Chun Jie?) You hear, “BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!” In the lulls between the, “KA-BOOM!!!” of the firecrackers.

And, while all these things are happening around your feet, pieces of firecracker fly at you, and then huge boxes of the beautiful flower fireworks explode. The Fourth-of-July-American in me takes time to “Ooh!” and “Aah!” at the beauty. My Chinese counterparts don’t really do the same.

(...to be continued...)

Noisy American!

Here I sit in a Tianjin Costa Coffee shop. The environment is more Korean than Chinese. More “tai gui le” (expensive) than “pian yi dian’r” (cheap). I am drinking a medium mocha that cost 34RMB. (Approximately 6USD. This place was made for the rich and the foreign.)

I came here to chat with a foreign friend and read and write in a calming environment. 

Part of this dream was to be.

While my friend and I were talking, I started laughing. The man sitting caddy-corner to us caught my attention and put his index finger up to his lips to indicate that he needed me to be less exuberant in my conversation. I was a little too loud for his baby sleeping in the stroller.

I thought I was speaking at a lower volume. I thought I stopped laughing. Unfortunately, the baby woke up and started wailing.

Poor Asian dads. They have no opportunity to practice caring for the children and they just don’t know what to do with them, even if it’s not a screaming baby.

As I continue sitting in this coffee shop, the 18-month-old has continued his tantrum. The Korean mothers on the other side of the wall have started to look around for the perpetrator. They have tried to go back to their conversations, but they cannot. They see the pathetic look of the father, searching for the return of his wife from her shopping trip. He is telepathically begging her to return with speed, wishing the child had kept on sleeping, hating that I came to sit next to them. The man looks so helpless and frantic. He is trying to quiet the baby, but he doesn’t know how. People don’t want to talk and drink when there’s a toddler wailing at the next table. He feels great pressure.

I feel guilty. Was it my fault? Did I continue speaking too loudly? I thought I had kept an indoor voice. Irene assures me that my tone was fine.

Pretty soon my friend has left and the Korean moms can contain themselves no longer. They have to instruct the helpless father. They try to show him how to hold the baby, “Pick him up. Hold him close to you. Stand up. Rock him back and forth. Pat his back.” The baby’s legs are flailing. He’s throwing a fit and the dad doesn’t know how to hold him.

The poor man, at least he is showing great patience. All eyes (except mine) are on him. A westerner on his right, Korean moms peering on his left, and then approaches one of the male baristas to offer advice. (I was surprised at this!) The Korean moms approach again and try to show him that he needs to stand up and rock the baby back and forth. The dad stands for a while, but keeps coming back to his seat. (Why?!)

My goodness. Could the man not even hold out on his feet for a little while?

And this baby! My goodness. What a B-R-A-T. He can’t even let his dad hold him.

But, of course, that’s how they have chosen to train him. The baby’s chubby face reveals that he is not lacking in a full supply of food and attention. His every whim is catered to and pre-met. Too bad. Brat-made.

(Alas, that sentiment may just be my cultural perspective. They know they have provided him with comfort and security. A baby’s demands should always be met, first. That is love.)

Now the dad is holding the child in his left hand and an iPad in his right. The child has been hushed for a while. Watching the iPad. Sick. Oh my goodness. 18-months-old and the iPad is already a comfort. The mom has returned. The baby is immediately calmed. Bleh.

The Korean moms go back to their conversation. Their expressions are peaceful and happy. They know this is the way it is supposed to be. Men know nothing about how to care for babies. It’s the ladies’ work. Children are supposed to be cared for by the women and the men are supposed to earn the money and watch.

Epilogue

After the baby was well calmed, the father told his wife the story of me being too loud for the baby to sleep. I could tell not because I can understand his language, but because he subtly pointed to me and re-enacted putting the index finger to his lips to indicate the need for being quiet. I have failed as an ambassador. It could be that he will hate and blame Westerners for the rest of his days. Certainly, he will stereotype and declare that we are all too loud for the good of society.

Extended Epilogue

As they leave, mom dresses the baby in a cute, striped hat and scarf set. The mom holds the baby while the dad tries to snap a shot of him with the same iPad that was to be his distraction. The dad loves him. He just doesn’t know how to care for him. While the mom tries to put on her coat, the dad takes hold of the baby. And what do you know? The baby starts crying again. Swiftly, on goes the coat, baby is swept up into the arms of the mother, and the cries are stilled.

The father fears and the baby controls.

Not that this will always be the case. Eventually, and not exactly, the roles will be switched.

My Middle Ages

Christmas comes once again, filled with the joy, expectation, and sentiment of the season. It is a time for children, who fill homes with energy, excitement, and sheer joy. And it is a time for the aged, who cherish Christmas memories drawn from decades of Christmas celebrations.
(Albert Mohler, And Them That Mourn)

I read this quote and I was stuck. I am supposed to be planning my ECC assembly right now, but my brain must write.

-->

I suddenly feel that all I have left of life is to get old and then realize what life was really about.

Not to say that I have actually lived. I have not. But, I am past the age of awe-filled rapture and what is to become of me now? Nothing but further decay, various choices being made, and the onset of age (aka “the grave”).

What is life, but the end, and thus the discovery of what we have been doing and if it has been profitable (aka “God-glorifying”)?

I don’t think I like these unknown, middle years. How do I know if they will be profitable? How do I know if what I am doing is worthy? (Hold it up to the light of God’s Word.)

I know that childhood was meaningful, productive, and a thing to be cherished.

I know that old age will bring answers because I will have lived through and learned.

But, I know nothing of these middle years. There is too much variance and possibility of change.

In childhood, you can assume that you are growing and learning. That is your purpose.

In your latter years you can assume that you are even closer to death. You know that you have lived, what you have done, and you can evaluate.

What about the middle years?!

They tell us nothing until we have lived them -- and by that time we're past them.

And, good grief, there are so many of them.
(If the Lord allows us to have them all, of course.)