Breathing the Fumes

Pollution was in the "purple zone" (don't go outside and breathe) range this afternoon in Tianjin. My students and I were outside in our Early Childhood Center garden when my principal came out and said we had to go back inside because the air was too toxic. Who knew?!

An hour and a half later I was back outside killing my lunges in order to participate in community and relationship-building by playing a game of friendly futbal.

I think my throat felt scratchy by the end. I know my voice sounded a bit hoarse.

And yet, it could have been the dust that was kicked up while playing. Pollution tends to go away rather quickly when the wind's blowing...

In my apartment complex we have sitting areas. Some of the sitting areas have gazebos. These gazebos were painted a bright orange three weeks ago. I can still smell the fumes when I pass them by.

Around the same time as the gazebos, guys were coming around to paint our apartment building "gates" (doors). For a full week I was practically choking when I entered the building. Even if I chose the elevator over the stairs -- the smell of the toxic paint was still present. It hasn't been until this last week that the fumes have lulled a bit. Maybe my nose hairs have merely been subdued.

To leave on a high note (hehe) -- there are lilac bushes and cherry trees planted in my apartment complex, and the sweet smell of their blossoms makes up for the noxious fumes of the others. I never expect the coming of their scent and suddenly, I am walking towards them and, "Ahh! How lovely!"

Praise the Lord!!

Living in China: Ideas of (Physical) Beauty

As I write about my understanding of what I observe and experience in China please remember that I am not here to study the culture. Culture is such a multi-faceted, multi-layered structure that I don’t know much after being here for only 9 months. Knowing culture takes time, but I will try my best to communicate what I observe to others.

It would seem that Asians (I am thinking particularly of Chinese, Koreans, and Japanese,) are more focused on their appearance and the aesthetic beauty of things than I have felt coming from the States.

Appearance seems to have a higher priority in the mind of the Chinese person because (I am hypothesizing,) beauty has to do with ideas of “saving face” and making sure that you look good and “put together” in front of others. 

In general, Asians do not want to reveal true emotions publicly. Your appearance is often a window into how you are doing. You can make yourself appear better off, happier, more confortable, richer, more at ease if you look good.

Your appearance is also important because it speaks of your status in society.

Elementary kids must wear red scarves to school, high school kids must wear tracksuits decorated specifically for their particular school, street cleaners must wear orange coveralls, massage workers (?) wear blue “scrub” type outfits, professionals wear suits, pregnant ladies wear these chest-to-abdomen-covering aprons that are supposed to protect the babies from radioactive waves from computers and (I say) are also supposed to let the world know that you’re fat because you’re pregnant (not because you’re a glutton).

Chinese people stare…and not just at the foreigners. They stare at each other. Judgments are based on appearance and they seem to be very important and authoritative.

Is that so different from the States? 

Perhaps not SO different, but it does seem to have a sharper edge.

KEYS to Chinese beauty:

White skin.

Not fat.

Light hair is admired.

I was talking with my TA, Nancy Zhang about what the normal Chinese person is looking for in a boyfriend or girlfriend:

--skin color

--fatness

--personality

--money 

According to Nancy, if a guy and girl go out on a blind date, they will look at skin color first. If this is okay, but the person is too fat the date may not go long. If the person's skin is too dark, the date may be finished.

From Nancy I learned a Chinese proverb, 

If you are ugly, but have white skin, you are more beautiful than the most ugly person.

 Instead of having products to make skin darker, as is the case in the States, Chinese (Japanese and Korean) women use face washes, lotions, and foundation that make their skin whiter. Dark-skinned people who come and live in China, (many people from Africa come to study,) are not treated kindly. Taxi drivers will make comments, some children have not been allowed to attend Chinese schools, and various other things Chinese people do when you don't fit in their mold of beauty.

Even my Asian students have made comments about dark-skinned people when I have taught them about Africa and have shown them pictures. They yelled at the screen, called their skin ugly, and declared they never wanted to look like that. We have had many good discussions about the Lord creating us all and people having varieties of skin colors, and still loving God and being kind on the inside, but these are deeply rooted and culturally taught concepts that are hard to break.

On the other hand, some types of perspectives are changing. Chinese people are becoming more aware of black people. Chinese acquaintances from English corner and the Catholic church really like President Obama and are more willing to look past the color of non-Asians' skin color. (And yet, one of the girls who has said she loves Obama and black people, still uses white foundation to make her skin look white.)

Fatness is also not admired in China. People will openly say, "She's fat. You are fat. I am fat. He's fat." I had not known someone for longer than two minutes when he declared, "You're not as fat as you were in the picture." Oh thanks. (There are a growing number of fat Chinese people, particularly in the cities, however. Also, countryside/farmers have a different type of "thin" as well.)

In Korea and China (western) people have been told to stop looking in clothing stores because they are too fat and won't be able to find any clothes that fit anyways.

I can't tell if fat is repulsive, like skin color, or if it's just a matter-of-fact observation. It seems to be more the latter.

In one English corner we were talking about American presidents. I told them that President Polk had a bathtub made particularly for him because he was so fat. One of the young university students tried out his English language humor, "You mean he was fatter than YOU?!"

Nice boy.

Chinese beauty bonuses:

Hair cut should be “carefully” chosen: longer hair is preferred with ladies. If you are a lady with a certain personality, you can try to pull off the short hair cut, but you will be judged according to your hair cut. Long hair is definitely seen and accepted as feminine and more appealing to the men. 

Guys take time on their hair. A comb-over is more accepted than a bald head. (I have found myself being shocked when I see a bald head in China.)

Nice clothes are important. Clothes should NOT get dirty. (My students are always telling me that they can’t sit on the ground because they will get dirty. I want to say, “Stand up and brush it off.” But their clothes are important and it’s harder to clean them here and excessive to spend more money on lots of new clothes.)

Clothes should be FITTED to your body – to make you appear thinner. 

Short skirts are a go.

Shorts are not often worn and I am shocked when I see naked legs now.

Nice shoes are important. They give you height and (for girls,) a nice feminine appeal.

For women: being feminine and cute is IMPORTANT. You must look nice and girly. (Bows, sparkling diamond sequins, and cutsie cartoon pictures on clothes and in your hair only add to this effect.) There does seem to be pressure on women to be feminine. I don’t really feel that pressure in the States, but here I do. For instance, going to the store in workout clothes is a strange thing to do. In America, this might be encouraged.

For men: how they dress is often dictated by their career. As is often the case, men get away with a shirt and pants. “Boy band” look seems to be the cool way to go. Men in China tend to have a more “feminine” look, though not always (and not as much as Koreans), but they tend in that direction.

Muscles aren’t so important for girls. It’s not so much getting a six-pack for either men or women as it is to just have no fat. Especially for girls, they aren’t supposed to have (many) muscles because they will look too manly. A guy coming for English corner saw my Jillian Michaels’ DVD and said, “I don’t think many girls would want to do that workout.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“She has too many muscles. Your arms will get huge and you’ll look like a man.”

I then told him that many woman want to do Jillian Michaels’ workouts in the States and that she is very popular. I did, however, also reassure him that I did not want massive muscle-arms either.

He ended by joking that maybe he should get that DVD for his wife so she could work on getting muscles bigger than his.

Overall, these observations are mere generalities, but they seem to tug at the culture. Chinese people are detail-oriented and highly value beautiful things. It demands honor and respect from others and reveals where you are socially.

"Luckily," I am of European decent and so have some aspects genetically given to me: white, light hair, light eyes, and the ability to speak English. They can, I suppose, overlook my other flaws.

Beauty in China

I am about to be honest. I have really been struggling with the meaning of beauty here in China. No, okay. I don’t think it’s just “here in China”. I think it’s just more clearly evident in China. (As are MANY of my deeply rooted sins.)

In China, I am beautiful…and yet…I am not.

My skin is white, my hair is light, I have a nice smile, and I have blue eyes, BUT!!! I am fat.

The deceitful Chinese people will call me “healthy” or “strong”. The friendly Chinese people will tell me I am looking thinner when they see me after a long while. My Chinese friends (usually) just don’t say anything about the matter, but they are always shocked and awed when I climb flights of stairs with no trouble, or tell them I “play” various sports, or tell them that I have been running -- farther than 10 meters. Strangers and students call me fat, in English and Chinese.

I just got back from watching Titanic 3D. Not the proudest movie choice of my life, but a Chinese friend invited me and it offered some wonderfully HUMOROUS Chinese experiences (good laughs,) and provided for a good time with a Chinese friend. (I did cover my eyes and ears in those sinful parts.)

While watching I realized that I was analyzing “Rose.” I began thinking “Maybe if I just dyed my hair her color, penciled-in my eyebrows, figured out how she did her eye make-up, and discovered her waist measurements, I would be counted as beautiful in China AND the States.” 

I figured, if the Chinese people sit here and admire her for her beauty and allurement, maybe I could try harder to make myself look like her. (Someone once…or twice…compared me to Kate Winslet, afterall.)

But when I began pondering the thoughts in my mind I realized: I am more willing to pursue and replicate the image of a person than I am to pursue the process of being refined into the image of the One who has purchased my life with His blood.

I would forsake our “daily” fellowships together in order to burn calories. (I have been doing such things. All, it would seem, to no avail.)

I would forsake eternal and heavenly thoughts for obsessions over what people think of the way I look, the chub on my body, and the make-up painting my eyes.

My mom has seen this coming and has tried to remind me of eternity. She quotes Proverbs 31:29 to me, but I struggle to accept it. Beauty is deceitful, vain, and passing away. Yeah, yeah. But it’s still valued. You’d rather have a beautiful wife who fears the Lord than an ugly one, right? Come on, we all know that there were BEAUTIES in the Bible.

When do you hear that one of the patriarchs (or any Bible male,) loved his wife because of the beauty of her heart rather than the appearance of her face? Is anyone ever quoted as saying, “She may be ugly on the outside, but her heart’s desire is really gorgeous.” Did Pharaoh or Abimelech go for Sarah for something other than her good looks?

Are you horrified and disgusted with my words?

Do they shock you?

I am not shocked by my words, but I am horrified.

I know they aren’t biblical. They are sin FILLED.

I post them here, then, to document my mental transformation and process. I also document them because this is how the Lord is using China to refine and mold me. (Is it too open and honest? Let me know.)

Until a couple weeks ago I didn't realize the issues of beauty I have in my mind. The Lord is using China to show me SO many of the various layers of my sin. I didn’t realize how many horrible things are entangled in my soul. 

(So, He is refining me. PRAISE THE LORD!)

Sifting Beauty

I have now determined to think in light of eternity, not just culturally. Coming from one culture and its push and proclamation of beauty and being inserted to another culture and its push and proclamation of beauty has shown me my sin in understanding beauty and in my hope to be beautiful.

This won’t be easy to decipher.

I am slightly ashamed to type such a thing.

Why won’t it be easy to think of beauty in a biblical manner??

I didn’t realize this until a few moments ago, but it will be difficult because I have never (really) tried to actually do it. I have heard words from “Christian songs,” pulpits, and university speeches, but I have never really listened. I have never questioned it myself and I have never tried to define it. Plus, beauty is hard to define.

(What makes the various arts beautiful? Why is creation beautiful to behold? How valuable is beauty? Why do our souls long for beauty? What is God’s beauty? How do you balance a pursuit of beauty, being as you are, working out, finances, etc? How important is physical beauty? Are physical and spiritual beauty connected, in opposition, do they reflect one another?)

This sinful way of perceiving and chasing after beauty is actually the root of and a signpost that reveals other sins in my soul. There will be much sifting.

What I have realized:

--I define beauty based on what my culture calls acceptable and how the people around me (men and women) will accept me based on those cultural demands.

--I (greatly) desire people’s approval. This often seems to outweigh my pursuit of the Lord’s approval. 

And so, here's a "first step" in taking off the sinful thoughts, making them my captives, renewing and disciplining my mind to think biblically, and to put on His righteousness:

I came across an article in the spring issue of The Journal of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood because of a link on Tim Challies' blog. The article is Women, Stop Submitting to Men by Russell D. Moore. I wasn't expecting it to say anything about beauty, but Moore's words have caught me by surprise and made me think. He points out that the pursuit of physical beauty is a type of submission.


Whoa. I hadn't even contemplated that perspective.


Here's his words. First with a bit of article background, then the point:

Too often in our culture, women and girls are pressured to submit to men, as a category. This is the reason so many women, even feminist women, are consumed with what men, in general, think of them. This is the reason a woman’s value in our society, too often, is defined in terms of sexual attractiveness and availability.

Submitting to men in general renders it impossible to submit to one’s “own husband.” Submission to one’s husband means faithfulness to him, and to him alone, which means saying “no” to other suitors.
Submission to a right authority always means a corresponding refusal to submit to a false authority.  

(Clincher)

[Women, your] beauty is found not in external (and fleeting) youth and “attractiveness” but in the “hidden person of the heart” which “in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Pet 3:3–4). And it will be beautiful in the sight of a man who is propelled by the Spirit of this God.

 Sisters, you owe no submission to Hollywood or to Madison Avenue, or to those who listen to them. Your worth and dignity cannot be defined by them. Stop comparing yourselves to supermodels and porn stars. Stop loathing your body, or your age. Stop feeling inferior to vaporous glamor. You are beautiful.

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as unto the Lord. Yes and Amen. But, women, stop submitting to men.

To whom have I chosen to submit myself? Why? Will I choose to meditate on and live out 1st Peter 3:3-4? When did I choose to forget the reality of 1st Peter 3:3-4?

--"Vaporous glamor"-- Is that the treasure I want to pursue? Vanity of vanities. A literal chasing after the wind. My heart has been deceived and I was quick and easy prey! Be watchful and soberminded -- gird up those loins!

Found This

The Effects of Divorce on Society

Are the statistics accurate? It sounds good.

Music

I love stepping into the mystical world of music.
With great orchestration you can step into another world and not be constrained by an author's words. Your mind is merely encouraged to think in a particular direction through notes, crescendos, decrescendos, and rhythms.
The musical realm tends not to be so specific or restrictive as a book's words.

How awesome and wondrous it is that drawn out tones can change and mold our thoughts and emotions. An energetic soul can be depressed. An agitated soul can be calmed. A melancholy heart can be lightened. A joyous air can be stilled and crushed. A despairing mind can be reminded of hope.

It is amazing that the sounds we call "notes on a scale" can work together to make melodies, harmonies, and dissonant chords.

Since I became aware of them, I have been amazed with the idea that multiples of singers can be singing different words and different notes, some at different tempos (?), but the sound they produce (if orchestrated well,) is comforting and energizing rather than being a mere cacophony.

What then, shall our praise sound like before the throne of God?

Trying to imagine is overwhelming to my mind.

Imagine being in His presence.

That in itself will thrust us to the ground.

Next, imagine the flying creatures singing His praises, the 24 elders shouting, throwing their crowns, and falling to the ground before Him.

Think of the heavenly host standing around Him.

Next, imagine the peoples from every tribe, tongue, and nation. How could He NOT allow them to praise in their native tongues and cultures when we are gathered in unity before Him?!

We will see Him as He truly is and then we will be like Him! We will KNOW Him! We will be pushed to praise Him more and more. The seeds of our love for Him that we have tilled while on earth will sprout and bloom.

Our praises will rise, forever!

What will sound be like before His throne? Will it be physically (?) the same as we have discovered it to be here? Will our ears take in sound as they have with these bodies?

Will we all sing according to our unique cultures? Will our former sounds of dissonance be eternally resolved in Him? Will our dissonances come to the most glorious of harmonies we could ever fathom?

May our music praise Him now.
Hmmm....