Conviction in my Competition

Oh...

...The flattening of my pride.

Hallelujah

The Lord is convicting my soul and refining me.
(Hence the blog's name change, "Sanctification of a Pilgrim". He is bringing it!!)

The Lord has been showing me (through various means and thoughts, one source: blog,) a couple particular things:

--"Do the next thing." (Elisabeth Elliot and my friend here, Rebekah Martin) --Be content with what He has given as your stewardship and don't look for the extraordinary. Your stewardship is before you; invest.

--I want to be "extraordinary" in order to be better than everyone else. I look in the teacher rooms around me and I compare my room decorations to theirs. (Mine lag behind.) I look at the lesson plans of my fellow teachers and compare. (I need some of their ideas.) I look at the calm lunch-eaters of the other classes around me. (Well, at least we are enjoying ourselves.)

There is nothing in my life where I don't try to compete to be the best. (Providentially, there is nothing in my life where I am the best. Someone else is always there to snatch it away. ...Stupid people.)

The Lord has shown me that my heart becomes bitter in these situations. I do not love others because I compete with them. (Not just in the teacher world.)

He has further shown me that I cannot judge my Master's servants.

Am I running my race to please others, or to please Him? Do I run for my glory? Apparently so. REPENT!!! Where is my treasure?!! Where is my heart?!!
...Wasted on myself...

How can I love and serve others when I am competing with them? (Can't.)
How can I died to myself when I want to be the best? (No can do.)

I am reading, The Pursuit of Holiness, by Jerry Bridges and he points out that in this process of pursuing holiness we must take responsibility for our sin. I have never seen this particular sin so glaringly in my face as I do now. (It's showing up absolutely every where. Praise the Lord for His conviction. May I not waste it.)

It would seem that the Lord continues to put me in the position of teacher because it is the best place for me to be refined; it's a great microscope to aid me in identifying my sin.

May I repent and press on for holiness.
Only through the power of the Holy Spirit.
Praise Him!